The Terrible Sixties

Sermon: Phil 2:1-13, Mt. 21:23-32
St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church, Sept. 25, 2011

Think about those two sons Jesus is describing in today’s Gospel. When asked by his father to go work in the vineyard (or mow the lawn or wash the storm windows or scoop the snow), something needed but obnoxious, the one son says “no way, Jose” but changes his mind and does it anyway, maybe without giving his father the satisfaction of knowing right away he did it(kids can be that way). As opposed to the other son who says “sure Dad” and just never gets around to doing the obnoxious thing.

Of course, the answer to Jesus’ question, “Who did the will of the Father?” is a no-brainer. Jesus is using the example to try to get through to the Pharisees, who fit into the second category. They made a big deal about saying yes to God, but really didn’t do His will. Jesus made it very clear, time after time, that He preferred the first group, those who said no to God and then changed their mind. He made a point of associating with tax collectors and prostitutes, the prime examples of public sinners in the eyes of the Pharisees, because they were repenting all over the place, in fact had been repenting and changing their lives through the influence of cousin John the Baptizer before Jesus appeared on the scene.

So, is it accurate to say that God prefers those who say no to Him over those who say yes? Before we answer that question, let’s explore the value of saying no. The no stage is an important one for human development. The so-called “terrible twos” is the name given to that stage when the young child starts to stake out his or her individuality, begins their separation from the mother and father. It is not by saying yes to everything that you learn to claim your own authority, but by saying no and the terrible two's do that a lot.

You create a life independent of others—parents, siblings, the tribe, the community—by saying no. You create a self-definition, a self that is centered in your own capacity to choose. Of course, the two year old is just starting the process. They need help. They need parents to push back and set limits. Otherwise, they get the message that they can get and do anything they want and that can be dangerous. Those parents or parental types can, of course, push back too hard and squelch individual initiative and personality development.

It is a life-long struggle to be that individual who we are called to be in a world that is trying to make us be everything else but.

If we can push back against the push back eventually the capacity to choose, the ability to say no gives way to the ability to truly say yes, a yes that has me in it. Not a compliant yes, a conformist yes, but a yes that means something, a yes from the heart, the center of the deep self, that brings up-against-it-ness, as well as great joy.

In answer to the question does God prefer those who say no to him over those who say yes, I think He prefers those who say yes from the heart, with their whole being, because they are able to say no and probably have many times. Sometimes we might have thought we were saying no to God when in reality we were saying no to the culture that had made God over into its own image.

Unfortunately, many of us learned it is easier to float downstream than swim against the current, to give into another authority and reality in place of our own. Pretty soon, having lived that way year after year after year whatever special self we were meant to express had become buried under a pile of oughts and shoulds. Our uniqueness becomes covered over with so many coats of paint year after year like the Golden Gate Bridge.

I was reading this caregiver who had worked with recovering cancer patients for more than a decade. The number one thing he saw in those who live longer and do better is that they recover their capacity to say no. No, I am not going to live that way anymore, they say, which gives them the motivation to affirm what they want, to say yes to those things but to say no to doctors who refuse to explain things or who make them wait hours for their appointment. I am not going to be treated this way, they say. No they say to those for whom they have been over-responsible. You are going to have to take legitimate care of yourself.

By learning to say no these survivors, so reports the caregiver, begin to open up to the life God has gifted them to live and to quit living through another person’s life. Usually, the effects on their immune systems are startling, as they find a new reason to live. They get excited about life. Their no-ness allows their yes-ness to merge and their true selves begin to blossom.

So the terrible twos are not so bad, in fact, they are very necessary. And they need to extend to the terrible three’s and sometimes to the terrible 13’s and maybe the terrible 60’s, As long as it takes to be the persons we are called to be. It actually took longer than that for me. Bishop Gibbs was quite amused when I went in to talk with him about returning to the priesthood. He introduced me to his second in command, Canon Hunter, by saying this is John Franklin. He has been resisting the call to ministry for 30 years. I didn’t know I was being called, because I was so busy saying no to this and no to that, still carving out my identity. But when the yes came it was a big one and a joyful one. So there are terrible 70's and I suppose 80's and even 90's. However long it takes to get it right.






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